Ram’s great enthusiasm for science and modern knowledge made him an inspiring lecturer, but it also made him an atheist. In his own words: “In those days we did not believe in God. We considered that everything happens, changes, or dissolves by the force of nature. We were rank materialists, and we held the view that eating, sleeping, and creature comforts were the summum bonum of life.”3Ram was fond of debating with others about God and religion and found great satisfaction in defeating his opponents. This ardour for atheism lasted five years.
Grief is an eye-opener that forces a person to face the harsh realities of life. The death of his young daughter was a terrible shock to Ram, and a great change came over his life. On the evening of Kali Puja, sometime after his daughter’s death, he went up to the roof of his house and observed the houses of Calcutta glittering with lights. Above, the dark, clear sky was studded with twinkling stars. His grief-stricken heart seemed to be searching for something meaningful in that panorama of nature. All of a sudden he noticed some clouds passing overhead, driven by the wind. They quickly disappeared. Ram asked himself: “Where do they come from and where do they go? Does God exist? If so, can He be seen?”
He started to visit different religious leaders of the Brahmo, Christian, and Hindu faiths, but no one could answer his questions about God and religion. During this time Ram’s family guru came to his house and wanted to initiate him. Ram was forthright. He said: “Sir, I don’t believe in God. Moreover, I have terrible doubts about His existence. Can you tell me the way to realize God?” The guru kept quiet. He did not know what to say.
“The great inquiry” began to possess Ram. He became more and more determined to have his doubts removed and to satisfy his hunger for God. He studied many religious books but could find no satisfactory answers to his questions. At last he came to know about Sri Ramakrishna from the writings of Keshab Chandra Sen, a Brahmo leader of Calcutta.
On 13 November 1879, Ram went to Dakshineswar by boat with Gopal Chandra Mitra and a cousin, Manomohan Mitra. As soon as they reached the Dakshineswar temple garden, they inquired about Sri Ramakrishna and were directed to his room. But when they reached it they found the door shut, and their Western education made them hesitate to call out or knock. Just then Sri Ramakrishna opened the door himself and asked them to come in. Ram noticed that Sri Ramakrishna did not look like the traditional ochre-clad monk with matted hair and ash-smeared body. On the contrary, the Master was the embodiment of simplicity.
Sri Ramakrishna saluted them, addressing them as Narayana, and asked them to sit down. Then he smiled at Ram and said: “Hello, are you not a doctor? [Pointing to Hriday] He is suffering from fever. Could you check his pulse?” Ram was astonished that Sri Ramakrishna knew he was a doctor. After examining Hriday, Ram reported that his body temperature was normal.
From the very beginning Sri Ramakrishna made Ram his own and would often inquire about his personal life and mental conflicts. Ram was greatly attracted to the Master and started visiting him every Sunday, returning home in the evening. Soon Ram felt bold enough to ask the questions that had been haunting him:
Ram: “Does God exist? How can one see God?”
Sri Ramakrishna: “God really exists. You do not see any stars during the day, but that does not mean that the stars do not exist. There is butter in milk, but can anyone know it merely by sight? In order to get the butter you must churn the milk in a cool place before sunrise. If you want to catch fish in a pond, you have to learn the art of fishing from those who know it, and then you must sit patiently with a fishing rod, throwing the line into the water. Gradually the fish will grab your bait. Then, as soon as the float sinks, you can pull the fish to the shore. Similarly, you cannot realize God by a mere wish. Have faith in the instructions of a holy man. Make your mind like a fishing rod and your prana, or life-force, like a hook. Your devotion and japa are like the bait. Eventually you will be blessed by the vision of God.”
Ram had recently been connected with the Brahmo Samaj, whose members did not believe in a God with form, so he was wondering how one could see a formless God. The Master read his mind and said: “Yes, God can be seen. Can God, whose creation is so beautiful and enchanting, be imperceptible?”
Ram: “Is it possible to realize God in this life?”
Sri Ramakrishna: “You get what you desire. Faith alone is the key to success.” Then he sang a song:
As is a man’s meditation, so is his feeling of love;
As is a man’s feeling of love, so is his gain;
And faith is the root of all.
If in the Nectar Lake of Mother Kali’s feet
My mind remains immersed,
Of little use are worship, oblations, or sacrifice.
The Master continued: “The more you advance in one direction, the more you leave behind the opposite direction. If you move ten steps towards the east, you move ten steps away from the west.”
Ram: “But one must have tangible proof. Unless we have direct experience of God, how can our weak and doubting minds have faith in His existence?”
Sri Ramakrishna: “A typhoid patient in a delirious state clamours to take gallons of water and heaps of rice. But the physician pays no heed to these entreaties, nor does he prescribe medicine at the patient’s dictation. He knows what he is doing.”
Ram was very moved; he was impressed by Sri Ramakrishna’s simple, convincing answers. He became so intoxicated listening to these divine discourses that he was reluctant to return home. Whenever he visited the Master, he would forget all about the world, his family, and his duties. (Source: They Lived with God)