From his very birth Subodh was endowed with passion for God and dispassion for the world. After his guru’s passing away, the fire of renunciation was enkindled in his heart. Without the Master he felt empty, and his home became a prison to him. It is said that when Holy Mother moved from Cossipore to Balaram’s house in Calcutta, Subodh visited her every day. Subodh tried to finish his education, but as soon as he would open a book, he would see the Master standing in front of him. He slept very little and felt no inclination to eat. He would spend a long time in meditation in the temple that belonged to his family.
When Holy Mother was staying at Kamarpukur after a pilgrimage, Subodh went to visit her. He was happy to see the birthplaces of Ramakrishna and Holy Mother. After receiving Holy Mother’s blessings, Subodh returned to Calcutta. It soon became unbearable for him to stay at home, so one day he simply walked away. He first went to the family temple and prostrated before the Divine Mother to ask Her blessings. He felt that the Mother smiled and told him: “Don’t be afraid. I am always with you.”
Subodh crossed the Ganges and started walking on the Grand Trunk Road, which led to Varanasi some 500 miles away. His longing was so intense that he felt his life was useless without God-realization. If anyone asked about his home or family, he would say that he had none in this world.
…… Meanwhile, his relatives found out where he was and brought him back to Calcutta. It is difficult for a free bird to live in a cage. Ramakrishna had given Subodh a taste of renunciation and divine bliss: He could no longer live at home. He joined the Ramakrishna Monastery at Baranagore. Performing the traditional viraja homa, Subodh took final monastic vows and became known as Swami Subodhananda. As he was one of the youngest among the disciples, he was known as “Khoka Maharaj” in the Ramakrishna Order.