One night Hriday followed Sri Ramakrishna without his knowledge and saw him enter the jungle near the Panchavati. He knew that if he went near him the Master would be annoyed, so he threw stones into the bushes in order to frighten him. Finding that this did not bring the Master back, he returned to his room. The next day Hriday asked the Master, “What do you do when you enter the jungle at night?” “I meditate there,” replied Sri Ramakrishna, “under an amalaki tree. The scriptures say that if anybody meditates under an amalaki tree with a desire in his mind, his desire is fulfilled.” Hriday continued to throw stones but he could not deter the Master from spending his nights in meditation in the jungle.
One night Hriday mustered his courage, determined to see for himself what was going on at dead of night in the jungle. He was startled to find his uncle seated under the tree in deep meditation, without his clothes or sacred thread. He thought, “Has Uncle gone mad?” He then called to him desperately: “Uncle, what is this? Why have you taken off your cloth and the sacred thread?” At first there was no answer. Then Sri Ramakrishna gradually regained outer consciousness and answered: “Why, don’t you know that this is the way one should think of God, free of all ties? From our very birth we have the eightfold fetters of hatred, shame, lineage, pride of good conduct, fear, secretiveness, caste, and grief. This sacred thread means that I am a brahmin and therefore superior to all. When calling upon the Mother, one has to set aside such ideas. So I have removed the sacred thread, which I shall put on after I have finished meditation.” Hriday was dumbfounded and quietly left the place.
Later on, after his first vision of Kali, Sri Ramakrishna lived in a state of god-intoxication. Hriday was puzzled as he watched the Master’s astonishing behaviour. He used to say: “You felt awestruck when you entered the Kali temple in those days, even when Uncle wasn’t there — and much more so when he was. Yet I couldn’t resist the temptation of seeing how he acted at the time of worship. As long as I was actually watching him, my heart was full of reverence and devotion; but when I came out of the temple, I began to have doubts and would ask myself: ‘Has Uncle really gone mad? Why else should he do such terrible things during the worship?’ I was afraid of what the Rani and Mathur Babu would say when they came to hear of it. But Uncle never worried. I didn’t venture to speak to him much any longer; my mouth was closed by a fear I can’t describe. I felt that there was some kind of barrier between us. So I just looked after him in silence, as best I could. But I was afraid he would make a scene some day.” (Source: They Lived with God)
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