In 1893 Girish became the director of the Minerva Theatre and appointed Devendra as a cashier and supervisor. Devendra was a faithful worker. Seeing that his handwriting was good and that he could write quickly, Girish also engaged him to take down his dictation. Several of Girish’s dramas were thus recorded by Devendra. Unfortunately though, part of Devendra’s job brought him in contact with the actors and actresses of the theatre, and he gradually drifted, becoming involved with some of the actresses who worked at houses of ill fame. When he finally realized what he was doing, he was filled with self-reproach. In 1895 he cut off all connection with the theatre forever.
Longing for the return of his mental peace and spiritual life, Devendra went to M., the recorder of The Gospel of Sri Ramakrishna, and said: “The Master said that if a person touches the philosopher’s stone, he turns to gold. I received the Master’s blessings, but why have I fallen to such a degraded state? Does this mean that I did not really touch the philosopher’s stone?”M. answered: “It is true that you became gold by touching the philosopher’s stone, but still that gold has fallen into a dustbin.” Devendra was not consoled by M.’s answer. Just as a person becomes restless when a foreign object enters his eye, in the same way Devendra was extremely disturbed. A pure, sincere soul suffers pain and agony when he comes in contact with evil company or has impure thoughts. Devendra next went for consolation to Durga Charan Nag, a great devotee of Sri Ramakrishna. Hearing his story, Durga Charan said: “If you work in a room full of soot, you are sure to soil your body, be it ever so little, no matter how clever you may be. But why are you so afraid? You have a guru, and there is the Ganges. They will cleanse you. They will purify you.” Durga Charan spoke this last sentence with such faith and conviction that all of Devendra’s guilt and anxiety were removed in a moment.
Devendra was very frank and truthful. He was willing to share his experiences with others and to point out to them pitfalls in spiritual life. In later years he told his followers: “If people know about the dark period of my life, they will realize that if a person does something wrong in his life once, that does not mean that he has forever fallen from the path of God. At that time I did so many wrong things, yet still the Master did not give me up. If a person has sincere love for God, God will do good to him. If, out of an uncontrolled desire, a person commits a sinful act, he should not be depressed and carry guilt ever after. He should take refuge in God. Then God will protect him. One good thing happened by those mistakes — the Master has crushed my ego completely.” Then Devendra quoted a saying of Swami Vivekananda’s: “True greatness consists not in rising, but in rising every time we fall.” (Source: They Lived with God) (Related: Dryness in Spiritual Life)